Helen and I made these images in the spring of 2022.

She was getting ready to leave for the summer, and I was desperate to get a shoot in before I lost her. At the time, I had seen another photographer using soccer goals in a shoot, and I thought having Helen hang in the net would be a fun twist on the idea. So I spent a few days searching for the right goals, learned I needed a ridiculous amount of zip ties to keep the net from ripping, and hoped nobody would care that I was stringing a human being up on their property.

The shoot itself went smoothly and was fun, as they always are with Helen. I ruined a V-flat. Helen had to endure a fair amount of discomfort in those nets. The photos turned out cool as hell. I named the set “Life Goals,” posted the images on Instagram, and felt a little sad with Helen leaving, because I was losing my person to share this aspect of my life with.

At the time, I do not think I meant much by the title beyond the obvious pun.

Looking back on these photos four years later, it lands a little differently.

Helen was about to wrap up college, which is one of those times in life when people start asking all the big questions. What are you going to do? Where are you headed? What kind of life are you building? Finish school, get the job, find the partner, have the kids, make the right choices, try not to screw it all up. I was not thinking about any of that when we made these, but it is hard not to see it in them now.

What is strange is that I never really went that route.

I am nearly 42 and still do not know what I want to be when I grow up. I do not have kids. I do not own a home. I have never been especially driven by money or status. That is not some new revelation. I’ve always just kind of winged it. Certainly things are important to me. I have always cared about trying to be decent, being considerate with people, and spending my time on things that actually mean something to me, but I was seldom planning around some major milestone.

That being said, as I’ve aged without those major goals, aside from getting married of course, I’ve noticed the ones that remain are starting to shrink.

Not disappear, exactly. Just shrink.

There were bigger ones once. Racing was a huge part of my life for a long time, and as that sun has started to set, I have found I am okay with that. Or the thought that I would build the ultimate project car… that’s still sort of in my mind somewhere, but it’s starting to dissipate. Photography showed up later and became one of the great joys of my life, which I could not have predicted either. What was once an idea to turn it into a business has now turned into a full acceptance that I will only shoot for fun. These days the goals feel less like milestones and more like ways of being. Be a good husband. Take care of myself. Pay my bills. Make photos I care about. Play basketball for as long as my body lets me. Stay open to new things. Try to live in a way that feels honest.

These sound small compared to what people usually mean when they say “life goals,” but maybe that is what catches me about this title now.

I do feel a little rudderless at times. There are moments when not having some giant, obvious ambition can make a person wonder what exactly they are aiming at. But I also think a lot of life is found in the day-to-day stuff that barely looks like a goal from the outside. How you treat people. What you make time for. What you keep coming back to. What still makes you feel alive. How willing you are to let old versions of yourself go and still remain open to whatever comes next.

Maybe “Life Goals” does not have to mean building toward some big finish line. Maybe it can just mean paying attention to what matters, even if it looks smaller than it once did. Maybe it can mean hanging onto curiosity, staying a little playful, and trying to live a life that feels well-lived while you are in it.

That feels close enough for me.